I have struggled with anxiety for many years. Even as a child, being the oldest I
would be anxious about not behaving and making sure my sisters behaved as
well. I would even worry for my sisters when they didn’t obey because I didn’t
want them or myself to get into trouble.
As I grew older I would worry about grades, making friends, interacting with others or doing something new and different. As a missionaries daughter you would think that I should not have this problem because I had to deal with new things all of the time and had heard the teachings from the Bible about God taking care of all our needs as I grew.
I have learned however our spiritual journey does not depend on if you go to
church or grow up hearing the Bible. It comes from actually having a relationship
with God and following what He has told us in the Bible. When I reflect on those
days, I can see how I was anxious and my confidence often dependent upon those around me.
When I was married to my first husband, I began to depend on him for my confidence. I was continuing this cycle of depending on others for my confidence and not on God. After my divorce, I began to go back to church regularly and spiritually progress. As I had to learn to live alone and raise my children and naturally, I began to depend more on God. I had to be more confident in myself and believe that God was going to take care of me.
This anxiety problem, however, was still present in my life. It seemed like I continuously would be giving God control and then, forgetting He was in control, I would worry over money, situations, school, or work.
Then God brought Rudy into my life. I began to see in a tangible way that God has a
plan for my life and He is going to have that plan fulfilled one way or another. I could see God cares for me in a personal way and wants me to have a closer relationship with Him by constantly coming to Him in prayer.
This growth with God has been slow, but this past year, God brought to my heart and mind the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6 in a way that made me realize that I had not actually believed or trusted His word as these verses require, because I keep worrying over issues. I realized when I read these verses He was saying He is my Lord and Savior and wants my obedience. He desires for me to give Him control of all parts of my life. By obeying Him and trusting in Him to take care of everything, even if it is something small, I can be at peace because I know that He will take care of me no matter what happens.
This has been what I have been working on this past year, and it has brought me closer to God. The peace in my heart has increased.
So now when I feel that anxious feeling in my stomach, I immediately begin to pray and ask God to take control and to guide me in the steps I need to take.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”